Our romance didn’t change the world, it didn’t make the world a better place. Our romance won’t go down as sensational, or scandalous, or to many even memorable. But to me, your love changed my world, it’s made me a better woman, a stronger woman. I borrow from your strength daily. To me, your love will be what I always think of no matter how dark things may get. No, your love for me didn’t change the world around us, but it changed the way I see the world and interact with the world.


In the years to come our love will continue to flourish, it will nurture our children.

Our love is as quiet as a whisper, as deep as the ocean, and as solid as a diamond.

Gvgeyuhi … with all my heart.


“Just” an EMT.


My husband is an EMT as well as beginning his firefighter training. As such, a lot of our friends are now EMTs simply because that’s the circle that he runs in.  I’ve seen a lot of facebook posts recently about how there is no such thing as “just” an EMT. I’ve also seen and heard nurses call them just ambulance drivers.

I would like to go on a more personal explanation of why EMTs are not a “just” anything. They have the capability to make a bad situation either bearable or a horrible event that will stick with you the rest of your life.  Because I took care of both my parents, I had a lot of interaction with EMS and sometimes it wasn’t a great interaction, but sometimes it was all that kept me from having a panic attack in the middle of a crisis. They’ve been both my lifeline and the person I wanted to slap.

Let me start with what was by far my worst experience, because I want to get it out of the way as I think the good interactions far outweigh the bad.

My mom had a stroke in 2008. My dad came to my room and woke me up saying simply that something was wrong. I get to their room and Mom is laying on her back staring at the ceiling, not quite able to focus on either of us. The side of her mouth had a noticeable droop as did her eyelid. She was unable to move the right side of her body, and all she could say was no. She literally could get no other word to come out. We immediately called 911. Mind you, we live in the middle of nowhere so we knew it would take time for EMS to respond. 

One of us started calling my brothers and sisters, though I honestly don’t know who. 

I will forever remember feeling desperately helpless, and then when the EMTs finally got there they sat outside and worked on paperwork before they came in, and then when they came in they looked at my mother and said, “Well, we don’t see any signs of a stroke, but we’ll transport if you want us to.” 

Looking back on this, I wish I had the understanding that I do now. I wish I had remembered names. My mother was laying there unable to move one entire side of her body, saying a very slurred no over and over with the side of her face drooping, and yet they saw no signs of a stroke. It terrifies me what could have happened had we listened to them and not pressed to have her taken to the hospital. We ended up having only about a year and a half with her after that, how much shorter could that have been? How much longer if she’d been able to get to a hospital quick enough to get the proper medicine?

This was the one and only time I ever can remember a truly horrid experience with the EMTs and first responders who seemed to become a part of our lives. There was a time before Mom’s stroke that Dad and I had went to town to get groceries. We came home to find mom passed out, laying half over the kitchen table with the phone off the hook by her feet and sick-up all over the floor. Mom never remembered this so she couldn’t tell us if she was trying to call for help. We called 911 and I think they must have grown wings because it’s the fastest I ever remember them getting to our house. The feeling of relief when they came in and took over the situation was indescribable. They administered oral glucose to bring Mom’s blood sugar back up and then we were off to the ER. (That one turned into an adventure which led to a stay in Roanoke.)

There was the time I had an allergic reaction to a medicine I was prescribed by accident and my face swelled up along with all the muscles randomly spasming and almost biting my tongue off. The EMTs spotted the rash on the side of my throat quicker that even my mom.

There have been many instances where EMS became involved in our lives, not just emergency situations either. After Mom’s stroke, it was the three times a week trips to the dialysis center. It was Mom calling and canceling her appointments and the EMTs who normally worked her calls calling back or showing up anyways and talking her into going. It was her usual team getting her a little surprise for Christmas that made her day. When she was hospitalized (because she often refused her treatments), they would call and check on her or if they saw me out they’d stop and ask how she was doing.

It’s because of this that we have never thought of the EMTs in our life as “just” anything. This continues even more now that my husband has made this his career. I’ve seen him jump from a moving vehicle to get over a bank to someone who wrecked. I’ve seen him go days without sleep while he runs calls. Going out anywhere with him is going out with the knowledge that he’s an EMT first and foremost and that if we run into any situation, he will pull over and do what he can to help. It’s being in church and knowing if his pager goes off, he will answer. It’s who an EMT is. Their first instinct is to do whatever they can to help anyone in their path. There is no such thing as “just” an EMT. It’s not “just” a job to them. It is so very much an integral part of who they are.

It’s a New Year…

So, I thought I’d take a minute and talk about my plans for 2017, try to get a little more positivity and planning in my blog. everyday

First, I want y’all to know that I plan to blog more often. 2016 was rough, and the depression kept me questioning whether or not I should post most of the things on my mind. Actually, I’m planning to do more writing in general. I miss writing. I’ve always loved it, even more than reading as I get to do with the characters as I want to.

Next, I plan to be more active physically. I say this every year and it fails, but I’m hopeful that I have a friend who will ride bikes with me this year and help keep me on track. If I could find someone who will walk with me around town that will be extremely helpful as well, although even I’m not gonna do it in the middle of winter. Way too accident prone for that idea.

(Although, as soon as we have enough snow I fully plan to ambush my cousins in a snowball fight.)

Third, I want to work on my relationships this year. With God, with family, with friends, with anyone that I love. This last year I’ve been distant with pretty much everyone, and a big part of that has been the depression and anxiety.

I would say fourth, but I think this ties in with my relationships too much – try to find a way to get the depression and anxiety under control. I’m tired of it keeping me from doing things that I want to do and things the hubby wants to do. We had so many things planned in 2016, and when it came down to it either I couldn’t do it because of my issues or hubby was also having to back out of arrangements because I needed him.

Last I think is trying to be more thankful. I’m always worried that those around me aren’t aware of just how much I appreciate and love them, especially my “inner circle”, but if it wasn’t for these people that God has put in my life I can’t help but to think that my world would shatter sometimes. So to all of you – thank you.

Let’s try to make 2017 a better year,  a happier year.

(PS – There will be a lot more looming as well!!!! I have plans y’all. )


Insert expletive.

I’m a Christian. As a Christian, I try to be very careful of the words I use. My friends tease me because of how many times they hear statements such as “You stupid fluffing piece of crap” <— in reference to my Jeep.

However in this case I can’t think of any other word except a curse to get my point across. Depression is a BITCH. This entire last year feels like it has been one continual round after another struggling to keep my head above water as far as the depression goes.

Someone asked me what I have to be depressed about. That question in and of itself shows me how little so many people still understand about depression. It’s not being sad. It’s not so much an emotion as it is a constant emotional upheaval.

It’s faking your way through each and every day and praying no one sees through your mask. It’s feeling worthless and crying when no one is around to see or try to comfort you because there is no comfort so why bother seeking it.

It’s never being good enough, no matter how many times you’re told you are.

It’s seeing yourself as continually disheveled and ugly no matter how much effort you put into how you look that day.

For me, it’s clinging so desperately to God that you’re actually afraid one day He’ll say enoughs enough and even He will be tired of you.

I am deeply and sincerely praying that in 2017, I have a few more good rounds than bad. I am praying I wake up from good dreams instead of ones of my parents saying how much they despise me. I am praying I can look in the mirror and say I am worth something and actually believe it.

Don’t forget I love you…

I’m not gonna lie. This past week has been hell. There is no other word for what our family has gone through, and I’ve come here several times to try to express what’s going on, but have been unable to get even the most meager of ramblings to make sense. With Mom and Dad they had both been sick for awhile, even though Mom’s passing so soon after Dad I think knocked the feet out from under all of us.

Kevin though… none of us expected it. There was no warning. There was nothing leading up to. Just a sudden… loss. A sudden absence. A void. We hadn’t spoke in a couple of years. A stupid argument over a scrap of cloth. There’s no way to go back and fix that. There’s no way to go back and say I’m so sorry. I miss you. I miss you picking on me and making jokes and telling me not to worry about it when Mom got in a mood. I miss knowing that no matter what, you’d always be there.

Kevin will always be my brother, despite the fact that we didn’t get to make up, and I wish there was something anything I could do to go back…

For now, all I can do is hold this lesson. No matter what it is, don’t let angry words come between you and your family. You don’t know when the next time is that you’ll get to see them. If you’ll get to say I’m sorry. Or if that chance will never come. Hold close to your families. If you love them don’t let anything come between that.

Our family has been left devastated by this loss of a brother, a husband, a father, a son, and an uncle who loved making other people laugh and smile.

If you can, if you come across this blog, I ask that you click on the link below to help us pay for the funeral expenses, and if you can’t… can you please share? That’s all I can do for his wife and son.

In Honor of Veteran’s Day

I’m not posting anything about politics. We’ll go back to that later. I just want to take a swift moment to say thank you to any vets that may come across this page. My Dad was a Marine in the Korean War. I wish he was here today for me to say Happy Veteran’s Day to in person, but he passed so instead I’m going to share some lyrics that he liked.

The name read Andrew McGee
Loving son, husband, and daddy
That’s what it read written in her head
But there’s so much that could not be said
How he smiled they day they said I do
Smiled like it was just the two
Of them together standing side by side
As the preacher said I pronounce you man and wife

How when baby John was born that night
He sat and cried as he held him tight
And when Kaitlyn made her way into the world
He swore that he’d protect his baby girl
Scenes and flashes they’d never know
If they saw his name would they stop or go?
Did they understand all that he had done
He gave his life to protect their little ones

She cried the day that he signed those forms
Yelled and screamed as she gave him what for
But he just wiped the tear drops from her eyes
He said I have to help protect our way of life
The day he left she was so proud
Standin there waving with the crowd
If only she could hold him one more time
Tell him she’d love him all her life

The man came late into the night
I’m sorry ma’am, but they couldn’t save his life
There was a little boy just eight years old
He got shot in the middle of the road
Your husband was the first to reach his side
He gave his life to keep that child alive
I’m sorry ma’am, so sorry for your loss
He wanted you to have his Bible and his cross

The name read Andrew McGee
Loving son, husband, and daddy
And he was proud to be
Yes he was proud to be… a US Marine

I’m Not Winning Any Popularity Contests

This post may very well hurt any chance I have of more people eventually following me, but I’m going to go there and say it. I’ve seen a lot of anti-Trump, anti-Hillary, pro-Trump, pro-Hillary things in the last few days. I keep my mouth shut about them. However, what I have just seen blows all of them out of the water, and I’m going to say that every single person generating this type of hate, you are a miserable, despicable human being.

I came across this page that is so filled with hate, I want to assume that it’s people making up stories and tall tells because they are upset that Hillary didn’t win. I want to assume that, but the actuality of it is that I cannot. You want to know why so many people are hating Trump supporters right now? It’s because of this behavior. But you know what the other flip side of this is? Y’ALL ARE LETTING IT HAPPEN. Be a decent human being. Be the person that if you see one of these racists people doing something, tell them no, call the cops. Don’t just stand there and tweet about it. I am so sick of both sides of this coin right now, I don’t even want to call myself American, because if this is the way America acts – I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.  I want yall to take the time and click on this link and actually go through all these posts.

Literally so sick and upset right now I can’t even make this post sound the way it does in my head.